I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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