Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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