dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
