I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
