What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
