Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
