Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
