My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
FUCK WHALES
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
