pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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