Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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