My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
