i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
