dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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