I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
