She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
