apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
