Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
