google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
