Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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