just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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