Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
