the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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