I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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