still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
