Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
