there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
