We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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