I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
