Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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