I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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