I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
