I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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