we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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