How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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