Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They took my balls.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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