Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
