Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
