You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
