we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
