i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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