we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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