OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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