I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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