i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize