I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
