Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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