I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
