I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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