so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
