I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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