i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
