I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
