omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
