Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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