I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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