he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
