we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
