had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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