I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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