Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
