also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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