Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
