Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Mom said you looked used
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
