I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize