First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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