You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
