no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
