Did you just see the Batmobile???
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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