Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
