guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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