woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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