On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
