So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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