I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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