I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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