I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
