There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
